Today’s important issue: our daughters’ virtue. And by “our daughters,” we mean Howard Stern’s daughter Emily. Not living in NYC, I don’t know about these things, but apparently she was to star in the play “Kabbalah,” in which one seen required her to strip. Her father warned her not to do it, or his enemies would “throw garbage at her vagina.” So she pulled out. under the circumstances, I might have stuck it out, after an appropriate amount of time spent curled up in bed crying. “My enemies will throw garbage at your vagina,” is not something one should really say to one’s daughter.

However, that’s only one side of the story. Some claim that the producer of “Kabbalah” made the whole thing up. One critic thinks Stern would never actually utter the “g at your v” line. Others point out that since Lloyd Grove of the New York Daily News might have made the whole story up, because he is, surprisingly, without morals. But the funnest thing about this daughters debate is that YOU can be a part of it. You can also watch me get trashed by a variety of other bloggers and Broadsheet readers. Why do I get trashed? For my ham-handed attempt to turn the Stern story into a platform for asserting the following:

Americans are too damn protective about their daughters. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: don’t intimidate your daughters about sex or their bodies. If you think someone might throw garbage at your daughter’s vagina, don’t call her right away. Instead, take a deep breath and think of something nicer.

Posted in my enemies will eat your boobs

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