The New Yorker thinks I suck
I just got a nice mass e-mail from my favorite magazine. Upon close reading, however, I discovered that it was in fact a scathing insult disguised as an attractive offer. Behold:
Dear [Annalog],
As a reader of THE NEW YORKER, you enjoy being in the know, whatever the subject — from politics to poetry, science to sitcoms, fiction to fashion. Share THE NEW YORKER with friends and family and get a FREE gift for yourself!
You are an elitist. Also, greedy.
Your gift recipient will enjoy issue after issue of in-depth reporting, surprising opinions, sharp wit, the best in prose, poetry, and don’t forget the cartoons. You’ll enjoy receiving THE NEW YORKER Cartoon Calendar FREE just for ordering!
You only do things for others when there’s a FREE Cartoon Calendar in it for you.
Send a FREE e-card! They’ll remember you all year long, each time a new informative issue arrives.
A magazine is more memorable than you.
And, you may choose to send an email gift card with a personalized message to announce your gift today, tomorrow or whenever you choose!
You probably don’t have any friends anyway.